what am I

Seriously! last post was published on the 22nd of May 2014 !!! … Who am I, What am I, and what i’m up to after all this time .?.

All I know is that I need to get back on track again, and start having black tea more often, and creating a new world of mine once again… All I know I’m not that exact person who wrote the last post on 22 May… some of me got broken and some other has got built up and has become stronger.  I’m a combination of a full awareness of how cruel the surrounding can be and a fear of uncertainties.

but life is just like that anyway, it is not a chain made of steel to drive me all the way to the rainbow (refers to the video below),it is indeed a box of chocolate, you just don’t know if what you are gonna pick is Dark Chocolate (good) or another hazelnut stuffed piece (bad).

Regardless of the chocolate box I’ve got here, I’m certain of one thing, “One Day, I shall become what I want” (Mahmoud Drweish) and this is all what matters …

 

cheers;

M

 

The world is yours

“Is this it? This what is all about ? Eating, drinking, working , fucking? what ?… The world is yours. Th world inside you .. stop being a maricon and start to live. Really live! You came into the world with nothing, you leave the world with nothing. So why you spending all time always trying to have something? living like a haza, always wanting more. maybe you already have all that you will ever need in this life. you just haven’t looked yet. So look, Really Look ” – !

so, where I found this quote they claim that it is taken from the famous movie Scarface, although I couldn’t find this exact line anywhere that is related to the movie. However, I don’t care about that, cuz whether it is truly from the film or not this quote is basically is my wakeup call, and that’s what all matters here,,, at least to me.

for more than a year and I’ve been going through this “What am I really looking for” kinda phase, I’ve been in this never endless boredom that I don’t seem to find a reason or a solution for since 2011, yes, specifically after getting back from Habitat for Humanity trip to Kenya, which was a great experience. But nothing has seemed to be the same since then.

I got to travel again to other places that were packed with many amazing people, adventures and times basically… I’ve got to do and experience lots of things till this moment, but the enjoyment and the happiness that come from those experiences were always seemed to be within the action moment that once it was over all the boredom and the nothingness would come back again, which left me the way I am right now, confused and not knowing what to do.

I’ve got graduated finally from the uni some couple months ago, thinking I would get back my peace of mind but obviously i haven’t. I get to do fun or maybe crazy stuff less than before now due to the new environment/place I’ve moved to after graduation, which I believe helped in developing a new habit that you can call Consuming. I simply don’t stop wanting to buy  more and more stuff, not thinking that they would make me happy, but just because i want them or I want to try them. I’ve been so into make up products these days, I feel like going to the mall every other day to get new foundation, or highlighter or wanna try blue or purple lipsticks … etc, although at the end of the day I know that I don’t wear that much of make up very often, ( because i love the way I am =b ) still, I just wanna have them, I just wanna get bigger make up collection.

if you wanna look at it in a psychological way, I’m not sure who am I comparing myself to that i keep wanting to buy stuff to fulfil that empty space … I dunno what I’m trying to run from that i just keep going and buying stuff … I really don’t know …

However, going to the Scraface quote again… I NEED TO STOP WHAT I AM DOING, I gotta stop wasting my money on things that I don’t really need that gonna expire in 3 or 12 months, because that’s not gonna help in anyway, I know that,,, I gotta stop acting like a haza, keep wanting to get, try or go or whatever … maybe because it is not about the short term achievements after all,or maybe just a lil part …

 maybe you already have all that you will ever need in this life. you just haven’t looked yet. So look, Really Look 

but for now, lets play Older for George Michael, because something good has happened to me, I’m not really sure what is it exactly, but lets celebrate it anyway … =)

 

Ps, I’ll be posting my latest Fancy Subscription box as soon as I can, I promise that that box would be the last =S

cheers;

M

Fancy Box Subscription

so I finally got to subscribe to the Fancy box and I just got it yesterday within only 5 days shipment (based on the massage I got informing me that the box got shipped), so I consider it a pretty fast shipping, especially that it is an international one. 

as you can see, International shipping doesn’t usually treat the shipped packages so good, which can be really problematic sometimes, depending on the nature of the items inside them!

anyway, the Theme of this month, April, and quoting from the little card included in the package: “This Month, we created a Fancy Box full of one-of-a-kind items with a rustic feel. Whether you spend all your time outside or none whatsoever, we hope you enjoy the outdoorsy aesthetic!” – Fancy 

pretty interesting, and I like the rustic feeling, and that was actually what I thought of when I saw the items:: earth and maybe sustainability:

 

before I start showing the items and reviewing them… I thought I would get only four items in the box like most of the other boxes that were sent in previous months, but I ended up with five, which I’m really glad for, especially that the shipping rate to the part of the world I’m living in is kinda high “” compared to the local one”” 

 

Note: you can click on the pictures of the items so you can directly go to their links on Fancy.com 

…

Message in a Bottle USB Drive: $28

I’m not sure of how I feel about this USB, it is cute, but it gives the impression that it is meant for gifting, rather to be kept with the purchaser, unless you are thinking of saving some personal, top secret kinda files on it. However, I know I’m not gonna use this USB,but I don’t wanna give it away either !!! 

Guest toothbrushes by Izola: $15

Unfortunately, I don’t get to have many guests who would spend the night over like I used to do before moving to the new place I’m living in right now, and to be honest I also don’t feel like giving this item away, I adore its design and the quality, so I think I will use it myself, ignoring the Guests label on them!!! XD 

 

Fold Over Triangles Post Earing by Amano Trading: $22

Although I don’t wear earnings that much but these are definitely cool and pretty, I’m actually wearing them right now!, check the brand’s other stuff, pretty interesting,, and I’m considering ordering some stuff in the future.

 

Chalkboard Decals by Wallies: $10

9″ x 12″ two black sheets with 2 chalk included, I know I’m not gonna use this so I would probably give it away.

 

Kinfolk; Issue 11: $18 

I never came across this magazine before yesterday, and I’m already in Love. When I first took it out of the box I wasn’t so excited about it and thought of it as another kinda coffee table book, but I changed my mind once I started reading the first article. It talks about everything that has to do with Home, based on different people’s definitions of the word itself, home. It gives you different tips on what to do and how to do and such … I’m just in Love … and I consider this as the best item I got in the box ❤

… 

so:                                                                                                 

Expectations: I would hate the box and get so disappointed 

Reality: I actually like it, maybe not at the first sight, but I like it now

The thing is that every item is indeed interesting and Fancy, but the question that kept coming to my mind is am I gonna buy them if I got the chance to… most probably not,,, maybe yes in the case of the earnings and definitely the Kinfolk magazine. But in general no! mybe because usually the cool stuff were not made to be used but only to be looked at I guess!!! 

However, I liked the way that fancy tried to pick the items based on rusticity, stay fancy and not exceed the expected total price, as it is around $93. 

Make it Rain

Hey people, How have you been =)

the summer has started a week ago, nothing that interesting did really happen, and i almost lost the count of the days, like any other past summers … i was supposed to start working on some art, for future contests, as it is the only time in the year i actually get some time to work on such thing. however, i didn’t start yet!

anyway … I finally got a chic swiss knife .. it’s not that big but I’m in love with it, it has almost everything i need except  the nailfile .. yeah i know, i’m just 22 year old uni girl, who doesn’t go through that much of action and risk in her life. Still, you never know =| … everyone needs such a thing, to cut orange for example !!!      =b … well yeah that’s the best excuse i could get so far -,- !!!

what to do also in the summer, I’m trying now to learn french, i so wanna learn this language for several reasons including that i’m in international studies student and i’m expected to know more than a language !, i’ve been trying to register in one of the institution that it teaches french, but my busy “late” schedule was the reason for not registering =\, so i’m learning it by myself now, using online videos and such things !!!

I’ve got so far 9 books to read during these coming 2 months and half, as i think … i tried to get different kinds of novels with different experiences and places, so i got two talking about Pakistan, 1 between Britain and germany, india, finland, lebanon, America and uk ! hope it’s gonna be interesting experience, can’t wait to finish with Shantaram “India” and start new one, although this one is taking forever, as i’m having some boring chapters or pages that make me stop from now and then!!!

anyway, wish you a good summer, at least better than mine … and have some Tom Waits ❤

cheers;

M

how funny !!!

okay this is the only place i can talk about this thing on I guess … MAN what’s wrong with them … life is really funny, like literally funny, i’m trying to push them away and get rid of them to get another men from god knows where to bug me and bug my boarders!!!

DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED MEN IN MY LIFE!!! …

I’m certain that i don’t, I’m feeling satisfied ALONE … I’m in a stage where I donn wanna see a face of a man, i’m an independent woman who doesn’t want your company, help, sugar words or stupid love!

believe me it’s not a reaction of any past experience, I just donn wanna anyone .. some stupid girl friends are more than enough, you might find this so emotionless or denial, but this is how i really feel.

Just leave me alone …

my eyes on you …

hey guys, how you doin’ .?.

I was checking some of the fashion blogs and what is trending, I liked some random bags, styles and shoes … so here you are some of what I liked, noticing that I love formal style!

hope you like it =)

cheers;

For you …

hey people, MERRY Xmas … 

hope you are having a great time =) 

… well I donn really know why did this exactly came to my mind, the idea is just about the old fashioned manners that I have to make sure that i’m doing and behaving based on with people.. they simply make people respect you more, avoid problems and give a good impression.

1: starting with the basics, it would be nice to say please and thank you >> unfortunately,  lots of people forgot those two words!

2:  Never intentionally embarrassing another, respect the other side so they respect you.

3: avoid asking personal questions.

4: not pointing at someone. 

5: dress appropriately and don’t speak loudly.

6: if it was the first meeting, don’t forget the smile, answer the question with positivity, and respect the boundries.>> be professional.  

7: when it comes to food, keep your mouth closed when chewing, take small bites and eat quietly >> especially if it was a date =| 

8: Laugh,smile, giggle,cry with dignity. Do not make a drama. 

9: Do not be occupied with your phone when with people. Smile and be interested in the surroundings.

10: Never assume anything about anyone.

11: Never touch another person’s things or children unless invited to!

12: finally, to be in the safe side, never talk about money> how much does it cost?, How much do u earn?

basically, just be classy 😉 

… merry Christmas again, dance, drick, do crazy things but make sure you don’t end up in some kinda cells =| 

xxx

So much to tell…

Been really long time since the last time I checked my blog or posted anything!

I miss everything, writing, reading others’ posts, commenting and I even miss my layout ^^ !!!, I have been busy since the school s started, taking 5 courses of my major and one course from ART collage, it’s basically about design using different programmes such as illustrator and photoshop, it requires lots of work and time, and I had lots of downs moments, still I’m really enjoying it, I actually chose it cause it has nothing to do with reading or writing which my major is all about, so it’s like breaking the routine !!!

 

 

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

– Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

(Author: A.A. Milne)

 

 

Afraid of dreaming

Yeah, I’m afraid of dreaming and seeing all my dreams for some reasons been destroyed !!

I can’t see myself doing anything here, I got to get out of here I don’t how but this is what I have to do. There is no future for me and my dreams here in this place and with these people who can’t understand how bad I want to do what I wan!!!

I really hate this place, I really do …

Would You Get a Life, Please .?.

Big Mouths/gossips/talking about everything really irritate me.

it’s one of the reasons i can’t trust people, not even my friends, THEY TALK TOO MUCH between them. they think it’s something okay…why not I’m just telling my friend what I and my friends did last night with all the details. can’t you get it, IT’S NOT COOL!!! it just shows how silly you are, have nothing to talk about but people and your friends and what they are doing! and believe me no one of those who you talk to can trust you unless they are silly, just like you !

I admit it, i lost my respect and trust for most of my friends, the sad thing 2 of them are my apartment mates! I really hate myself when i start talking about my friends and what they are up to “good or bad” I just can’t feel comfortable doing that, I always feel like I’m boring and have nothing to talk about, and i believe that this is the reason why my friends do that, and I really feel sorry for them and for myself for not having a better friends!!! …. won’t deny they are really smart and totally amazing with many things, but this aspect really irritates me, this one side of you does really affect your whole image.

I hope that you “whoever you are” not one of these people, if you are please try to change that side, to gain more respect and trust, and to feel more satisfied and happy with yourself =)

Cheer;

M