Tag Archives: life

what am I

Seriously! last post was published on the 22nd of May 2014 !!! … Who am I, What am I, and what i’m up to after all this time .?.

All I know is that I need to get back on track again, and start having black tea more often, and creating a new world of mine once again… All I know I’m not that exact person who wrote the last post on 22 May… some of me got broken and some other has got built up and has become stronger.  I’m a combination of a full awareness of how cruel the surrounding can be and a fear of uncertainties.

but life is just like that anyway, it is not a chain made of steel to drive me all the way to the rainbow (refers to the video below),it is indeed a box of chocolate, you just don’t know if what you are gonna pick is Dark Chocolate (good) or another hazelnut stuffed piece (bad).

Regardless of the chocolate box I’ve got here, I’m certain of one thing, “One Day, I shall become what I want” (Mahmoud Drweish) and this is all what matters …






The world is yours


“Is this it? This what is all about ? Eating, drinking, working , fucking? what ?… The world is yours. Th world inside you .. stop being a maricon and start to live. Really live! You came into the world with nothing, you leave the world with nothing. So why you spending all time always trying to have something? living like a haza, always wanting more. maybe you already have all that you will ever need in this life. you just haven’t looked yet. So look, Really Look ” – !

so, where I found this quote they claim that it is taken from the famous movie Scarface, although I couldn’t find this exact line anywhere that is related to the movie. However, I don’t care about that, cuz whether it is truly from the film or not this quote is basically is my wakeup call, and that’s what all matters here,,, at least to me.

for more than a year and I’ve been going through this “What am I really looking for” kinda phase, I’ve been in this never endless boredom that I don’t seem to find a reason or a solution for since 2011, yes, specifically after getting back from Habitat for Humanity trip to Kenya, which was a great experience. But nothing has seemed to be the same since then.

I got to travel again to other places that were packed with many amazing people, adventures and times basically… I’ve got to do and experience lots of things till this moment, but the enjoyment and the happiness that come from those experiences were always seemed to be within the action moment that once it was over all the boredom and the nothingness would come back again, which left me the way I am right now, confused and not knowing what to do.

I’ve got graduated finally from the uni some couple months ago, thinking I would get back my peace of mind but obviously i haven’t. I get to do fun or maybe crazy stuff less than before now due to the new environment/place I’ve moved to after graduation, which I believe helped in developing a new habit that you can call Consuming. I simply don’t stop wanting to buy  more and more stuff, not thinking that they would make me happy, but just because i want them or I want to try them. I’ve been so into make up products these days, I feel like going to the mall every other day to get new foundation, or highlighter or wanna try blue or purple lipsticks … etc, although at the end of the day I know that I don’t wear that much of make up very often, ( because i love the way I am =b ) still, I just wanna have them, I just wanna get bigger make up collection.

if you wanna look at it in a psychological way, I’m not sure who am I comparing myself to that i keep wanting to buy stuff to fulfil that empty space … I dunno what I’m trying to run from that i just keep going and buying stuff … I really don’t know …

However, going to the Scraface quote again… I NEED TO STOP WHAT I AM DOING, I gotta stop wasting my money on things that I don’t really need that gonna expire in 3 or 12 months, because that’s not gonna help in anyway, I know that,,, I gotta stop acting like a haza, keep wanting to get, try or go or whatever … maybe because it is not about the short term achievements after all,or maybe just a lil part …

 maybe you already have all that you will ever need in this life. you just haven’t looked yet. So look, Really Look 

but for now, lets play Older for George Michael, because something good has happened to me, I’m not really sure what is it exactly, but lets celebrate it anyway … =)


Ps, I’ll be posting my latest Fancy Subscription box as soon as I can, I promise that that box would be the last =S